Hell explained by a Chemistry Student

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

  1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
  2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

Source

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About Kabue Charles

I am an instigator of artistic, intelligent and mind boggling softwares. I love C#, envy C++, and one day I might try CUDA. I prefer solving complex and mission impossible problems in a new or old but innovative way. Am intrigued by machine learning challenges, security critical challenges, and privacy challenges like a real serverless peer-to-peer communication. I am usually literally stressed when a day goes by without learning or doing something new. I avoid repetition whenever possible. Away from computers, I enjoy capturing moments of life and nature with 1080 (…and above) pixel pictures and videos. I like details, accuracy, idealistic but realistic personalities. I love futurist’s but I hate fantasy. A decent, moderate and gentle character is my favorite. I avoid shame like a plague, confront my fears with facts, and I am very constant with opinions and beliefs. I love suits (…but don’t wear them), arsenal football club (…I only know the manager), and I have no favorite food. Reading and writing poems helps me retain my sobriety. I consider myself funny, privileged, a renaissance man and sometimes shy. I believe in things unseen and incomprehensible.

Posted on July 16, 2014, in Theories and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Pretty cool answer. I hope he got an A for that answer. 😀

    Like

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