Monthly Archives: June 2015

There was once a man…

…one night as his wife was serving dinner, he held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.  Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?  I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.  She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.  When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions.  She didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both try to live as normal a life as possible. Her reason for this conditions were simple.  Our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.  She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.  On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.  Suddenly it hit me. She had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last-minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.  I drove to office and jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind.  I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.  At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart”.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting cancer for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband.

Moral: The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. And have a real happy marriage.

Source

People don’t change, priorities do

When i wake up, the first thing I do is opening my computer and program a little, that happens before I even take breakfast. So it’s not like I changed and all of a sudden started coding before anything else in the morning, its just that my priorities changed.

We all know the that we don’t control everything that unfolds in a day, but we at least have control over how we react. Someone stopped calling you because their priorities changed. You started going to the gym because your priorities changed and you started caring a about your health.

Weird Preferences

Everyone has that weird preference for something. Let me start with mine: I like people with unpredictable character traits, I feel comfortable when the sound volume of my playlist is in odd numbers, I like putting my phone in the trouser pocket, if i were told to choose any random number i possibly would choose 13 or 7, i hate inbuilt phone browsers for no specific reason, I don’t like it when get something free of charge

Why I hate SAFARICOM

Safaricom is Kenya’s best mobile service provider…but they suck, they are disgusting, they exploit, the only care about their profits, and their customer care line is always busy…ever busy!!

I recently bought their data bundles at 10/= Kenya shilling for 10 MB and 10 SMS. That sounds fair to me as well to everyone since I only wanted to check my email! And before I could finish opening the last email, a message from Safaricom came, “Your Daily Data Bundle balance is below 2.00 MB. Dial *544# to purchase or Okoa Internet bundle.” And then I decided to open my twitter account and after like 1.7 minutes, they sent me a USSD message telling me that I have an option browsing at 0.45 cents per MB. I immediately opened my calculator and started clicking…0.45*20=9…so I can use 20 MB for only 9 bob? Well then I bought nine shillings from my M-Pesa account and started browsing immediately BUT after I first checked how many data bundles I have used since I bought my phone…after like 2 or 3 minutes, another USSD message pops up this time saying I have a remainder of 1 bob. And I thought to myself, maybe something is synchronizing or updating on the background without my knowledge…but the data count should still count those data bundles, eeh? So let me check by how much did the count increase by. To my surprise, believe it or not, I had only used 2 MB extra! So like they only give 10% of what they promise.

Someone should create something better than M-Pesa and we’ll all swim away from Safaricom…they didn’t even create it! They just copyrighted a student’s idea, and it became theirs… According to filtered rumours that reached to my ears, the original owner of the idea was given ground $50,000 while Safaricom earns approximately $125,000 from the implementation of the idea, DAILY!!!

Sincerity

Sincerity is a condition of being honest, clear, and frank with your mind and yourself. Being sincere revolves around “hopping for the best expecting the worst”.

God loves sincere people. Don’t say the sermon was long, just admit that it was boring. I personally don’t like being a role model to anyone. Because it makes you do things you don’t want to, just to keep your followers behind you. Life lacks taste when we try to make it everyone smile. If you are sure that you are doing the right thing, why care about third party opinions?

Some people have the strength to lie to them selves. And even……(to be continued)

Marriage Software

This is what a guy wrote to a Systems Analyst –

 

(Marriage Software Div);

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn’t mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as “Boys’ Night out 2.5” and “Golf 5.3” no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected “Soccer 6.3” always fails and “Shopping 7.1” runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to “Girlfriend 7.0”, but uninstall doesn’t work on this program. Can you please help?

 

 

 

…. The Systems Analyst replied:

 

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors’ Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the………

C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.

To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as “Flowers 2.0” and “Chocolates 5.0” or “HUGS\ KISSES 6.00.0” or “TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1.000.0″ or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1” (if Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install “Secretary 2.1” (Short Skirt Version) or “One Night 3.2” (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES!

Yours, Systems Analyst.