Marriage Software

This is what a guy wrote to a Systems Analyst –

 

(Marriage Software Div);

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn’t mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as “Boys’ Night out 2.5” and “Golf 5.3” no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected “Soccer 6.3” always fails and “Shopping 7.1” runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to “Girlfriend 7.0”, but uninstall doesn’t work on this program. Can you please help?

 

 

 

…. The Systems Analyst replied:

 

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors’ Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the………

C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.

To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as “Flowers 2.0” and “Chocolates 5.0” or “HUGS\ KISSES 6.00.0” or “TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1.000.0″ or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1” (if Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install “Secretary 2.1” (Short Skirt Version) or “One Night 3.2” (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES!

Yours, Systems Analyst.

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About Kabue Charles

I am an instigator of artistic, intelligent and mind boggling softwares. I love C#, envy C++, and one day I might try CUDA. I prefer solving complex and mission impossible problems in a new or old but innovative way. Am intrigued by machine learning challenges, security critical challenges, and privacy challenges like a real serverless peer-to-peer communication. I am usually literally stressed when a day goes by without learning or doing something new. I avoid repetition whenever possible. Away from computers, I enjoy capturing moments of life and nature with 1080 (…and above) pixel pictures and videos. I like details, accuracy, idealistic but realistic personalities. I love futurist’s but I hate fantasy. A decent, moderate and gentle character is my favorite. I avoid shame like a plague, confront my fears with facts, and I am very constant with opinions and beliefs. I love suits (…but don’t wear them), arsenal football club (…I only know the manager), and I have no favorite food. Reading and writing poems helps me retain my sobriety. I consider myself funny, privileged, a renaissance man and sometimes shy. I believe in things unseen and incomprehensible.

Posted on June 22, 2015, in Story and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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